Big Boys Don't Cry

I was listening to the wireless this morning and someone stated that 25% of British adults experience at least one diagnosable mental health problem in any one year.  I‘ve heard this statistic quoted on a number of occasions and it always surprises me to learn that this figure is so high.  I’m astonished by this because I don’t think anywhere near one in four of my friends have acknowledged to me that they are experiencing some sort of mental health problem.  As I am somebody who is open about my own mental health condition and prefer to hang out with people who are quite liberal and forward about the way they feel.  I would expect my friends to feel comfortable talking about their health problems and therefore I would have thought more of my mates would have acknowledged they experience some sort of mental health problem

Perhaps I know a group of people who are able to manage their mental health perfectly well or that the statistics are fabricated by the mental health lobby in order to exaggerate the problem in order to access more funding.  I suspect that neither of these explanations are true and the reasons are that they feel fearful or ashamed about discussing their mental health.

I attended school in West Yorkshire in the late 1970s, an environment where men rarely talked about their feelings. If they did, their sexuality was often questioned.  I remember crying as a child and rather than being comforted I was told in no uncertain terms that ‘big boys don’t cry’.  In order to avoid ridicule or threats of violence you survived by keeping your head down, maintaining a stiff upper lip and holding back the tears. 

That was over 30 years ago and I believe in more enlightened times.  However, I’ve been out with friends and tried to bring up the subject of how I’m feeling.  I’m not mocked, but I often sense that people feel uncomfortable talking about mental health and are too willing to shift the conversation to debate centred on the top three bands ever to come out of Merseyside.

I recently attended a conference on Community Development in my capacity as a Health Champion.  We were asked to break off into small groups and come up with a single action that was relatively inexpensive and would lead to greater level of community inclusion.  I suggested to the group that everyone should leave this conference and say hello to someone they didn’t know in their neighbourhood, on the grounds that it cost nothing and that you maybe the only social contact that a particular individual recently had.  There have been times when getting chugged on the High Street is the highlight of my weekly social calendar.  One delegate questioned my suggestion on the grounds that he didn’t want to have contact with someone who was potentially a ‘nutter’ and was therefore could pose some sort of risk to him.  I managed to resist the temptation to rage back at him and as I responded in a calm and assertive way, I noticed his name badge which stated he was responsible for Community Development for a major NHS Trust.

I do think we live in more enlightened times where the stigma that is associated with mental illness is not significant and where people can learn strategies to enable them to successfully manage their condition.

I don’t wish to be just identified as someone with mental health problems, as I am an intelligent, creative, witty, compassionate, charming, wise, dashing and handsome person